I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
