I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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