Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
