Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
