oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
