I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
