He uses pillows to masturbate.
she smelled like a LAN party
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
