Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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