Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
