i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
