his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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