I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
