No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
