Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
