Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Congratulations! We have a period
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