i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
