if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
