if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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