Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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