I think I died a long time ago.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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