I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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