dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
