I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
