Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
