WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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