you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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