never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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