I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
