Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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