Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
