i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
