Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
