goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
