ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
