Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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