I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
