After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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