Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
