I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
