I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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