Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
