His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
