please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
