My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
