No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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