Someone shit on the floor
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
