The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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