I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
