The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
