you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wear drunk well.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
