she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
