I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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