I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't turn off my feet"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
