Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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