I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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