I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
