I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
