He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
