Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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