I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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