she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
